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Monday, August 5, 2013

Bat-Week: Batman & Robin Review

George Clooney, you are an Oscar winning actor. What the hell are you doing with Bat-Nipples? Bat-Week's still back. A whole week where I review all of the live-action Batman films since 1989. I'm Linus Schill, and this is my review of Batman and Robin.

Its not hard to know that this movie is terrible. Everyone makes fun of it. But you have to see it to understand how bad it is. This movie falls into the same trap that Batman Forever fell into: the plot lines. There are so many things going on in this movie it leaves utterly confused in almost all of the scenes. I am going to list them off:

  • Batman and Robin's extremely forced conflicts 
  • Bruce Wayne and his wife possible proposal, (never gets resolved)
  • Mr. Freeze and his wife (never gets resolved)
  • Poison Ivy trying to...uh...take over the world? Make everything a jungle? I'm not even sure.
  • John Glover as that doctor guy who wanted to make Captain America's that inflate into muscle men like a balloon? And why does Bane talk like a cave man? "Door." "Exit" "Fight". Doesn't the super soldier serum make you physically stronger, not mentally dumber? 
Now lets talk Mr. Freeze. Yes his motive is save his wife from the fictional McGregor's Syndrome, but why does he need to freeze the city to do this? Should he spend his time working on the cure, not running around freezing people. Maybe he could try to explain this to the police, or Batman?! Also, his whole thing with the diamonds doesn't make any sense. So, he needs them to fuel his suit....ok.... So Why does he waste the diamonds, to get more diamonds, only to use the newly acquired diamonds, to chase down Batman, NOT SAVE HIS WIFE. And hold on, did he have those things in the suit his entire time, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST USE THOSE FOR HIS WIFE!! 
Poison Ivy also does not make very much sense at all. Pamela Isle wants to protect the planet. Got it. So why does she team up with someone who is trying to destroy it. And not just destroy it, but freeze it. Plants can't live when it is frozen in ice, at least not most plants. Also it is never explain how she casts these magical love spell on people. Nor is it explained why it doesn't fully on Batman or Robin, only to the perfect amount that makes them fight with each other for no reason. Furthermore, why didn't kiss Robin with her deadly lipstick before. Why drag it out, leaving in the perfect amount of time for Batman to throw a Batarang at them. How does she make plants appear into thin air? Then don't even grow they slowly fade into her hands. Questions like these are things I was asking myself the entire movie which is why it was so terrible to me. 
I just don't know what they were thinking when they wrote this script. It is a career low for everyone in this movie. I give it 2 ingredients, and that is being very generous. Feel free to check out the other reviews in Bat-Week using the yellow drop-down menu below. See you tomorrow!

Linus Schill–––––––13
BLT Films Rating- 2/5 Ingredients

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