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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Battleship Review

Battleship? More like Batttlesh*t. Hasbro, just stick to games. There were so many things about this movie that made it bad. Not only was the acting awful, with tons of awkward lines and no real actors, but so many things just didn't make any sense. First of all, radio waves don't make a giant spectacle beam that shoots through space. Also, do they honestly expect us to believe that a Battleship, that's a museum, will just jump to the rescue in like, 4 hours? Oh, and the ship is obviously loaded with ammunition, not like its decades old or anything. There was one other thing that really seemed to bug me throughout this whole movie. There were so many strange, quick zooms. It would happen out of nowhere and it also seemed unnecessary. Also I think they had one sound effect for the aliens and they just played it 5,000 times. Another thing that stood out was all of the references to the game itself. let me list out all of these references.
  • Old man screams "You'll never sink this Battleship"
  • Using tsunami buoys they create a grid of the water with their destroyer located on it in the shape shown in the game
  • They call out the position on said grid before they fire.
  • When they miss, the say the position on the grid fired on, and say MISS.
  • When they hit, they do the same, but call HIT!

Now let me list some of my "favorite" parts of this movie. 
  • Pulls a Pirates of the Caribbean 3 when the ship drops anchor and makes a hard turn
  • Pulls a Titanic when the ship is attacked by blade balls and gets titled at 90 degrees angle and people are jumping from the back as it sinks into the water
  • Pulls a War of the Worlds when the "super, powerful, superior, amazing aliens get defeated by something stupid like colds, or the sun. This actually makes no sense because it sates they came from a world where they are the same distance from their sun as we are. And did they learn this from relating THE GENARIC LOOK OF LIZARDS EYES TO SOME DUDES PET LIZARD WHO HAPPENS TO NOT LIKE SUNLIGHT?!?!? Really??? 
  • Pulls an Independence Day when a jet crashes into a force field that has to be destroyed from the inside.
  • Pulls a Transformers every shot that there is an alien.

There are just so many things wrong with this movie that it is impossible to list them all. This is a first but I have to give this 2 ingredients. Thank you for reading my review of the "movie" Battleship, as always, see you next time. 
Linus Schill–––––––13
BLT Films Rating- 2/5 Ingredients

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